I don't care what you say. I'm gonna be a horse when I grow up.

“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.”

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. quotes (American Writer, b.1922)

Disappointment is defined as "the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest" according to wikipedia. And tonight, under a beautiful-round-yellow-full-moon (probably looking the most beautiful i've ever seen it)that's exactly how I feel. Disappointed.

I realise I'm a very lucky person. There's not nearly enough reasons for me to be sad or feel bad about in my life. I'll confess I feel very selfish and guilty when I'm feeling down because I know there's so much pain and suffering -the real kind- going on in the world that I feel like I don't deserve a single tear and end up feeling stupid.

Still. I'm a small little person with the weight of her own world on her shoulders, and tonight it feels heavy. I'm getting older. Age has brought me many wonderful things...time has gone through me, leaving me with many lessons learned...and even though I have the certainty I'll always be too naive to know as much as I could, I've earned some knowledge through this twenty-four years...and I can say that knowledge, as much as it sets me free, it makes me ache. Sometimes I wish I knew a little less, I wish I'd seen a little less, I wish I'd heard a little less...

But tonight isn't about the world and how we need to fix it and so much of the work isn't getting done...I feel disappointed about that everyday. Tonight is all about me (old-selfish me). I'm disappointed because I'm 24 years-old and need to grow up. I'm disappointed because I'm not doing a very good job.

I'm a grown-up who's holding on to her previous self. The reason is clear: being a kid is so much easier, not to mention funner; you get to believe you'll get what you give; you think being in love with two boys at the same time is -not only possible- but that it can actually turn out ok; you get to imagine you'll end up with that (very cruel if I may) pre-Shrek disney-world-created image of prince charming, who will not only give you what you ask for, but more, much more; you imagine you'll be -the one- able to fix the world; you actually believe your grandparents will see you graduate from high school, college, get married, have children...and you actually think that not only will they be there, but that they'll always be those caring and loving creatures, the sweetest you ever knew, forever; you believe all those you love will be around always, to celebrate with you your achievements and cry with you your loses, always by your side.

But the grown-up reality is a bit different: you should always give, but shouldn't hold your breath while waiting to receive in the same way (if you did you would probably suffocate); hearts get broken and frustration strikes over and over again; prince charming turns out to be an ordinary person with as much qualities as flaws (just like yourself); the world and its reality (realities) turn out to be far more complicated and messed-up than you could have ever imagined; your loved ones pass away, and before they do, they change...those who used to protect you and take care of you start to need your protection and care, as they start to crumble; people leave, forget, stop caring...they miss birthdays, graduations, funerals...and you find yourself alone, as you always were but never knew.

Yep...growing up is hard. Life is tough, but only as tough as you allow it to be. I need to learn to appreciate people as they are, seeing in them my own reflection, and maybe then I'll be able to take life as it is, while enjoying the ride. Stop expecting...start accepting. That would be a good start.

I always knew life was wonderful...I just had a different concept of what "wonderful" was. But I'll be ok, who says one can't adjust? I'll find magic in this new world of mine. I just need some time.

Sharkwater

This film really shocked me- not only was I completely clueless about how endangered sharks currently are, all over the world, but I was also unaware of how important they are to life on earth.

I had never been specially fond of sharks, but I couldn't help feeling outraged and saddened by how savagely human beings are acting in the ocean, not respecting life under or above the water. We're acting irresponsibly and unconsciously (and I say "we are" because if "we are" witnessing it but not preventing it "we are" allowing it and therefore "we are" also responsible).

How wrong shark fishing/finning is (specially in the amount and ways it has come to be done commonly) isn't just about the terrible effects it will cause (and is already causing) on human life and all other forms of life on earth, but mainly about the complete lack of principles, respect and conscience it shows. What have we become? We respond only to money. Wherever there is money, we shall go. Whatever brings money to our hands, we will do. No matter how and where, no matter who and when...money calls the shots around here.

We're supposed to continue to evolve as humans, not turn into monsters (I think?). We must choose another path. Happiness isn't in having. We have forgotten all the basics, we are blinded by the desire to own, and we forget one simple but fundamental truth: one cannot own, one cannot be, one cannot anything, if one doesn't exist. We will cease to exist if we don't start acting responsibly towards ourselves and others...people, animals, the environment.

Let's wake up from this terrible nightmare we have created for ourselves and start changing things around here, shall we?

Pledge to save sharks. See the movie and tell your friends that saving sharks from shark finning and extinction is something you're concerned about. Your pledge will make a difference. Click here.

In spite of it all..."I'm yours" (world)

did anyone get the title? haha it doesn't matter. I love this song... I could sing it all day long, with all my heart (every time).

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All - ah peaceful melody
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This is out fate, I'm yours

12 años "El Periódico"

Hoy la prensa anunciaba los doce años de existencia de "El Periódico". En ocasión de ello Jose Rubén Zamora, presidente del diario y guatemalteco empedernido, incluyó un especial titulado "Los demonios del Estado de visita en casa: crónica de un allanamiento".

El especial es de hecho una breve reflexión de desahogo personal y sentida denuncia (24 intensas páginas). Se trata principalmente el allanamiento que fue realizado en junio del año 2003 en casa de Zamora, en presencia de su familia y como un acto de abuso de poder, ilegalidad y que resultó -no extañamente- en impunidad, incapacidad y negligencia del (patético) sistema judicial guatemalteco(el hecho se dio durante la presidencia de Portillo, nuestro inocente ex-Presidente y al parecer -sólo en Guatemala es esto posible, o más bien, y lamentablemente...no sólo aquí- próximamente diputado, porque aunque parezca una imposible pero no última burla y bofetada a la cara del pueblo guatemalteco, aquí con conectes se hace lo que se quiere).

A pesar de padecer de la enfermedad crónica del optimismo, junto a una infección -que no se me quita- de ingenuidad, me cuesta tanto, por mucho que me esfuerce, absorber la "realidad" de Guatemala. Vivimos en un país que recién cumple poco más de una década de encontrarse "en paz", y a todos nos gusta creer que las cosas han cambiado, pero a veces me pregunto si algún día cambiarán. Me pregunto si es siquiera posible.

Recientemente han llegado a mí dos frases que se han quedado grabadas en mí y me hacen daño, pero me obligan a des-censurar mis ojos. Jose Rubén Zamora se refiere a Guatemala como

"este laberinto perfecto, es decir sin salida, que llamamos Guatemala"

y yo en ella aún distingo el -bastante débil- brillo de la esperanza, manchada de sufrimiento y decepción. Así mismo, en el maravillosa novela "Con Pasión Absoluta" de la autora guatemalteca Carol Zardetto se reflexiona acerca de los múltiples complejos e históricos problemas que aquejan a nuestro apesumbrado país, y se lee

"Si la razón dominara nuestras emociones, sin duda todos los largaríamos del país, encargando al último en salir que apague la luz..."

Sin duda alguna el periodismo libre es de fundamental importancia para el progreso y el combate de los males enrraizados que por años han estado a punto de derrumbar el árbol -una vez verde y fuerte- de nuestra querida y maltratada Guatemala.

El trabajo -nada fácil o seguro- de todos y todas las periodistas que luchan y se arriesgan todos los días con el afán de llevar la verdad a los hogares guatemaltecos y construir, de ella, una nueva nación que sea democrática y consciente, debe de ser aplaudido y agradecido.

Felicitaciones a "El Periódico", a todo su staff y a su valiente y trabajador Jose Rubén Zamora.

Yes, you can...YOU DID!!!

Congratulations elected-President Barack Obama!!!

I'm happy with the results of today's presidential election- the world needs change, we need change. And this particular and historic moment will hopefully bring GOOD change to the United States and to the rest of the world, a present world were huge global problems are waiting to be solved.

I like to think this problems will soon be solved (or begin to truly be solved), and hopefully they will in creative, innovative and clever ways. That will be the start of new/better times.

The election of Barack Obama really sends out a strong message to me. Change is happening, change is possible, and that's a good thing, because change equals (at least to me) opportunities and hope.


--- I must also say that McCain's defeat speech was very classy.